week 2

This begins week 2. Workout tonight with Nicole.

Today I'd like to write about the effect of grief on a person's life. Many reading this know that I have four angels in heaven, two within the last year. This has had a tremendous impact on me in way that words cannot even express. This month marks the 1 year anniversary of my 3rd baby angel....probably the most difficult to deal with as I was 14 weeks along.

Before becoming pregnant with "Corey" I was relatively healthy. I had recently lost about 40 pounds, I ate well and did do some exercise. After losing the baby I become very depressed, stopped caring about anything and was angry at my body for failing me....February saw another loss that just compounded the problem, along with some other personal grief that has been ongoing for the last 5 years. I got to the point where I didn't even want to breathe...it just hurt too much.

I still have moments like that, but I am realizing that I need to focus on my four beautiful gifts that I have living here on earth. My goal through this Fit4Life program is to be physically healthier for them...the emotional stuff takes time...grief is like that though.

I'd like to say that right now days are bright and sunny, but unfortunately that is not true. There are rain clouds and storms right at my door, but I am choosing to not dwell on them and let that bring me down, to discourage me or distract me. I have a wonderful God that loves me, and I am not going to live in grief any longer. Will it still get me down occasionally, of course.


Part 2! Workout with Nicole...OMG! I'm continuously amazed at how far I can push my body. I still was not able to keep up on many levels, which was quite discouraging. I felt like I was the only one doing less than everyone else. I'm not giving up though. I'm not giving in. I'm going to keep pushing forward!