Tonight Nicole told us that we were going to run a mile. Yeah, right I thought. Up to this point the longest I have run was 3 1/2 minutes (or about .2 of a mile). So I started and I was about ready to quit when I hit the 3 minute mark. So I said, surely I can make it to 4 minutes. I got there and thought, well no one else has stopped so I better keep going. I hit the 5 minute mark. Then came the 1/2 mile mark and I thought, I have NEVER run a half mile in my life! (okay maybe I did in grade school but I'm pretty sure I walked some of that). Still no one had quit so I wasn't going to either...I tried to focus on my breathing as my asthma was starting to kick in and I was feeling short of breath...I just kept moving and breathing. Mind you this was a very slow run LOL. Nicole kicked it up for a bit and I had to take it back down because I just couldn't catch my breathe, but once I did I finished up and hit that mile! ACK!!! I can't believe I did it!
Now I didn't do it quickly...12:34, but I finished, and I didn't walk.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Wednesday week 5
Hard to believe it's week 5 already. Next week is the first weigh-in. I'm nervous, and kind of cranky about it in all honesty. My weight fluctuates so much, and next week I'm due to fluctuate even more, if you know what I mean. Oh well, I'll do my best as usual.
Pain has seemed to hinder me lately. My knees and back have limited me on several things. Zumba last night was rough on my knees. I noticed last night on Biggest Loser people in ice baths...not sure I could handle that! Maybe some Icy Hot, but ice baths??? I'm also getting a bit of a cold...yuck.
The kids and I have a lot of responsibilities on our plate as well. Megan and Matthew have JBQ to practice for, and the three older ones have tons of homework of course. It's always an issue though. I wish there were two of me!
So just plugging through this week, trying to keep my head up and looking forward.
Pain has seemed to hinder me lately. My knees and back have limited me on several things. Zumba last night was rough on my knees. I noticed last night on Biggest Loser people in ice baths...not sure I could handle that! Maybe some Icy Hot, but ice baths??? I'm also getting a bit of a cold...yuck.
The kids and I have a lot of responsibilities on our plate as well. Megan and Matthew have JBQ to practice for, and the three older ones have tons of homework of course. It's always an issue though. I wish there were two of me!
So just plugging through this week, trying to keep my head up and looking forward.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saturday week 4
Today was a hard day for me. Today marked one year since I found out my Corey had passed away. I remember that night like it was yesterday, listening frantically for the heartbeat, feeling that pit in my stomach, getting the news from the doctor, and my whole world crashing down around me. This baby was different, although I hold all my losses in my heart. I had felt this baby move, seen this baby on ultrasound, connected. My world will never be the same.
For those who don't know I felt the need to name my babies in alphabetical order...Aerin, Bailey, Corey and Drew. I didn't know the gender of any of my babies, although I'm pretty sure Corey was a girl. I just had that feeling from the beginning. Corey's name was going to be Kaitlyn Elizabeth, but in keeping with the alphabetical order I chose Corey as the angel name.
I do hold on to the faith that some day, in some way, I will be reunited with all my children. What a wonderful day that will be.
It's unknown if my health had anything to do with my losses. But this journey is not just one about being fit and eating healthy. It's about being healthy in body, mind and soul. I'm working on the body part, the mind is a bit slower going, and recognizing my baby today helps heal the soul.
For those who don't know I felt the need to name my babies in alphabetical order...Aerin, Bailey, Corey and Drew. I didn't know the gender of any of my babies, although I'm pretty sure Corey was a girl. I just had that feeling from the beginning. Corey's name was going to be Kaitlyn Elizabeth, but in keeping with the alphabetical order I chose Corey as the angel name.
I do hold on to the faith that some day, in some way, I will be reunited with all my children. What a wonderful day that will be.
It's unknown if my health had anything to do with my losses. But this journey is not just one about being fit and eating healthy. It's about being healthy in body, mind and soul. I'm working on the body part, the mind is a bit slower going, and recognizing my baby today helps heal the soul.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday week 4
I wish I could say that I feel amazing about this week. It's been a real mental struggle for me. A year ago on Saturday I lost my little angel Corey. It has been hard to process everything emotionally right now as there is so much going on. I'm sure stress has a lot to do with my performance at the gym and at home. I'm having a hard time focusing on the here and now and not the uncertainties of the future.
I'm also very sore. I feel weak...tired...wore out...I know I need to take a break but I'm afraid to. I don't want to be weak, I want to be strong. I feel like when I am at the gym and doing workouts they are only a fraction of what everyone else is doing, so by going to the gym every day I am trying to compensate for doing less. I'm not trying to do less...I just am struggling to keep up. I just feel like I'm falling apart in all areas. The kids are struggling in school, the house is a mess, I am forgetting and losing things left and right. I don't blame any of this on the gym or working out. I'm just tired I think.
With that said, I have to be strong. I have to pick myself up and keep going. It's just who I am.
I'm also very sore. I feel weak...tired...wore out...I know I need to take a break but I'm afraid to. I don't want to be weak, I want to be strong. I feel like when I am at the gym and doing workouts they are only a fraction of what everyone else is doing, so by going to the gym every day I am trying to compensate for doing less. I'm not trying to do less...I just am struggling to keep up. I just feel like I'm falling apart in all areas. The kids are struggling in school, the house is a mess, I am forgetting and losing things left and right. I don't blame any of this on the gym or working out. I'm just tired I think.
With that said, I have to be strong. I have to pick myself up and keep going. It's just who I am.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Week 4
Crazy how it's already week 4. I was thinking this morning about how life has changed in the last month...here are a few examples...
Before: breakfast...for the kids: sugary cereal, pop tarts or no breakfast at all, french toast sticks with syrup MYSELF: cereal and coffee or McDonald's
After: for the kids: whole grain waffle with peanut butter, protein shake, or scrambled Egg Beaters with whole wheat toast MYSELF: Kashi waffle with Egg Beaters, Flatout with almond butter and preserves or Kashi granola bar with Greek yogurt
Before: Lunch...the kids: school lunch, normally pizza or nachos with chocolate milk and ice cream or chips MYSELF before: sandwich, chips, or burger and fries, school lunch maybe, After: (for Megan, the boys are still eating school lunch but are making better choices) low-sodium turkey on whole wheat bread, light cheese stick, fruit, water and maybe a granola bar or rice cakes MYSELF: after Flatout with almond butter and preserves or leftover fish with veggies, salad with tomatoes and lite dressing, grapefruit wedges.
Before: snacks for the kids: pop tarts, Cheeszits, cereal, cookies MYSELF: vending machine candy or chips, pretzels After: kids...cheese sticks, apples, rice cakes (really limited snacks in all honesty) MYSELF: Kashi bar
Before: Dinner for kids and myself: fast food drive thru...usually cheeseburger and fries or soft tacos, chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, toquitos, usually no veggies of any kind.
After: grilled chicken or fish, brown rice, broccoli, carrots or green beans, white chicken chili, chicken and cheese quesidillas on whole wheat tortillas (for a quick dinner), homemade chicken nuggets, squash.
As you can see, things have changed greatly. It will be interesting with the holidays coming up. Halloween means candy, and I will need to be on top of that. We did try and eat out yesterday for the first time. We went to Applebees, which I thought would be a good choice due to their 550 meals. Little did I know the sodium content on the meal! OMG! Megan's mini cheeseburgers were almost 500 calories EACH! (she only ate one). The meal was undercooked, overpriced and wayyyy disappointing. I walked away so disgusted, and now I realize why it's just not worth eating out.
So tonight is our first challenge...a bike challenge. I'm pretty sure I won't do well. My knees have gotten the best of me, as have Megan's, and I'd rather not injure myself. I'd rather stay in the competition than be benched for an injury, so while I will do my best, I'm not going to push myself over the edge.
It's been a good 4 weeks. I wish I would see more of a difference on the scale. 10lbs so far...wish it was more...a lot more, but 10 lbs is 10 lbs. Ben's grown 1/2 an inch and gained 4 lbs so that's great!
Before: breakfast...for the kids: sugary cereal, pop tarts or no breakfast at all, french toast sticks with syrup MYSELF: cereal and coffee or McDonald's
After: for the kids: whole grain waffle with peanut butter, protein shake, or scrambled Egg Beaters with whole wheat toast MYSELF: Kashi waffle with Egg Beaters, Flatout with almond butter and preserves or Kashi granola bar with Greek yogurt
Before: Lunch...the kids: school lunch, normally pizza or nachos with chocolate milk and ice cream or chips MYSELF before: sandwich, chips, or burger and fries, school lunch maybe, After: (for Megan, the boys are still eating school lunch but are making better choices) low-sodium turkey on whole wheat bread, light cheese stick, fruit, water and maybe a granola bar or rice cakes MYSELF: after Flatout with almond butter and preserves or leftover fish with veggies, salad with tomatoes and lite dressing, grapefruit wedges.
Before: snacks for the kids: pop tarts, Cheeszits, cereal, cookies MYSELF: vending machine candy or chips, pretzels After: kids...cheese sticks, apples, rice cakes (really limited snacks in all honesty) MYSELF: Kashi bar
Before: Dinner for kids and myself: fast food drive thru...usually cheeseburger and fries or soft tacos, chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, toquitos, usually no veggies of any kind.
After: grilled chicken or fish, brown rice, broccoli, carrots or green beans, white chicken chili, chicken and cheese quesidillas on whole wheat tortillas (for a quick dinner), homemade chicken nuggets, squash.
As you can see, things have changed greatly. It will be interesting with the holidays coming up. Halloween means candy, and I will need to be on top of that. We did try and eat out yesterday for the first time. We went to Applebees, which I thought would be a good choice due to their 550 meals. Little did I know the sodium content on the meal! OMG! Megan's mini cheeseburgers were almost 500 calories EACH! (she only ate one). The meal was undercooked, overpriced and wayyyy disappointing. I walked away so disgusted, and now I realize why it's just not worth eating out.
So tonight is our first challenge...a bike challenge. I'm pretty sure I won't do well. My knees have gotten the best of me, as have Megan's, and I'd rather not injure myself. I'd rather stay in the competition than be benched for an injury, so while I will do my best, I'm not going to push myself over the edge.
It's been a good 4 weeks. I wish I would see more of a difference on the scale. 10lbs so far...wish it was more...a lot more, but 10 lbs is 10 lbs. Ben's grown 1/2 an inch and gained 4 lbs so that's great!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Wednesday week 3
Yeah, I'm tired. I'm also working a full week this week on top of everything. Saturday will be busy as well, so hopefully I can recover some on Sunday. Tonight was our weight workout with Nicole. She gave us a program to work as well as cardio, so twice a week on TOP of our twice a week with her we are to do our 45-60 minutes of cardio as well as our 45 minute weight routine...WHEW! Yeah, tough stuff.
We also have our first challenge on Monday...bikes...I'm not that great at bikes so it's going to be interesting. My legs may not be up to the challenge, but I'll do my best.
My knee has been giving me some trouble, and tonight my stomach is protesting something as well. Megan is struggling to find motivation, but I have to remind myself that she is only 11. I wish I hadn't had her count for points because I think it's going to hurt us more than anything. But I have to give her a chance. She's been trying as far as nutrition goes, but sometimes she just wants to emotionally eat. Tomorrow's nutrition class is on emotional eating, so hopefully that will help her as well.
We also have our first challenge on Monday...bikes...I'm not that great at bikes so it's going to be interesting. My legs may not be up to the challenge, but I'll do my best.
My knee has been giving me some trouble, and tonight my stomach is protesting something as well. Megan is struggling to find motivation, but I have to remind myself that she is only 11. I wish I hadn't had her count for points because I think it's going to hurt us more than anything. But I have to give her a chance. She's been trying as far as nutrition goes, but sometimes she just wants to emotionally eat. Tomorrow's nutrition class is on emotional eating, so hopefully that will help her as well.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Sunday week 2
Today's the last day of week 2. I've had a rough week. I have to admit I would feel more encouraged if I saw more of a result from my hard work. You get in your head that this is going to be like Biggest Loser, real life is dishes, kids, work, laundry, etc. It would be great to spend 12 weeks having my only responsibility be to work out, and have every other thing taken care of for me. Unfortunately that is not reality. Reality TV is rarely reality.
The kids continue to struggle with the nutrition aspect, and I can't say as though I blame them. These are foreign foods to them. I've always been one for convenience. Megan ate movie popcorn and regular soda today...she's going to be regretting that later.
Anyway, on to week 3...
The kids continue to struggle with the nutrition aspect, and I can't say as though I blame them. These are foreign foods to them. I've always been one for convenience. Megan ate movie popcorn and regular soda today...she's going to be regretting that later.
Anyway, on to week 3...
Thursday, October 6, 2011
2:3
Tonight I'm just plain tuckered out....After yesterday's workout I was feeling pretty sore last night and slept pretty miserably. I woke up at 4:45 and wasn't able to go back to sleep this morning. Worked today, hit the gym after work and then had the nutrition class. A lot of people are struggling with some of the same issues I have...getting picky kids to eat, finding quick and easy meals and finding the time to eat. We didn't have time to eat a proper dinner before workout and class tonight, so I had a quick Flat Out with almond butter and homemade preserves and off I went. It's definitely my standby. I think if I could just eat that for dinner every night I'd be good, but unfortunately the kids aren't very fond of it. So we got home around 8:15. Megan was starving. I threw some of the approved pasta on and topped it with some cooked chicken breast (cooked the chicken with the pasta....why not), a bit of sauce and then some leftover broccoli. I also had to make lunches for tomorrow. The whole process of making dinner and lunches (as well as some other typical evening stuff) took about 45 minutes...Honestly, not too bad, AND there's plenty of pasta and chicken left for another meal.
That's the thing...this IS doable...it takes some effort and flexibility...sometimes we have to just quit complaining and do it.
I think of it this way...if one of my kids had a medical condition that necessitated a certain diet or else they would be sick, wouldn't I MAKE time for that? Wouldn't that be a priority? Well, why wait for the medical condition? By making this a priority now, I'm PREVENTING life-long health problems. I keep telling my kids, get used to this because just because the competition is 12 weeks doesn't mean we're going back to the way we were...This isn't a game to us...this breaking those generational curses of obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, and diabetes.
That's the thing...this IS doable...it takes some effort and flexibility...sometimes we have to just quit complaining and do it.
I think of it this way...if one of my kids had a medical condition that necessitated a certain diet or else they would be sick, wouldn't I MAKE time for that? Wouldn't that be a priority? Well, why wait for the medical condition? By making this a priority now, I'm PREVENTING life-long health problems. I keep telling my kids, get used to this because just because the competition is 12 weeks doesn't mean we're going back to the way we were...This isn't a game to us...this breaking those generational curses of obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, and diabetes.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Week 2:2
Last night I tried to go to the gym...well I did go to the gym but I only made it through a half a class of Zumba before my stomach really started cramping. I ended up hitting the therapy pool and doing a few slow laps and using the dumbells (which believe it or not I am feeling this morning) and then hitting the hot tub after the dude that was picking his armpit zit got out (EWWW!) The two older kids stayed home and caught up on homework.
Tonight is Nicole. I know it's going to be tough so I'm going to try to prepare myself nutritionally today. I admit I'm struggling a bit with the food portion...not because I want things not on the list but because it's a lot of food...I just can't stomach it all! It's just the bulk of all the veggies that is tough on my tummy.
Anyway, tonight's dinner is going to be broiled fish and butternut squash with some fresh lemon broccoli...sound good? Problem is, kids won't eat that. They'll eat the broccoli, Ben will eat the squash....Matthew will eat the fish...yeah, I feel like Jack Sprat and his wife! Not sure Zachary will eat any of it!
I made a really good white chicken chili that I've been having for lunches and such. I took navy beans, northern beans, (both drained and rinsed to get rid of the salt) cooked chicken breast, onion, baby carrots, a can of Rotel tomatoes, garlic, pepper and just about a 1/4 a package of white chicken chili spice mix and cooked it in the crockpot over night. I serve it with a spoonful of sour cream and a sprinkling of mozzarella cheese...YUM!
I've been packing Megan's lunch for school because the school choices normally consist of pizza, nachos, tuna sandwiches, or breaded chicken-like sandwiches all served with either french fries or tater tots and flavored milk. Fresh fruit is limited, salad is available, but in all honesty even if they did get the salad is there really much nutritional value in 1/4 a cup of lettuce covered in ranch dressing? Of course there are also Rice treats, chips, chocolate chip cookies, soft pretzels and "juice" available for purchase as well. UGH! Our school needs an intervention!
We were told NOT to work out before our workout tonight...which is probably good because I am not yet able to move my arms above my head! I think that's been the death of me...working out beforehand and not having the energy left for Nicole...time for a change I guess. I'll have to start working out AFTER Nicole if she gives us the go-ahead because I think I'll get more benefit from having 100% for her.
She's amazing BTW. She is so motivating and looks AMAZING. Just looking at her is motivating. I feel so blessed to have gotten placed in her team. I'm sure the other trainer is good as well, but I still feel lucky! I can't imagine doing this on my own.
As far as my goals...I'm about 7-10 lbs down, still about 45 to go till I get to a healthy-for-me weight.
Tonight is Nicole. I know it's going to be tough so I'm going to try to prepare myself nutritionally today. I admit I'm struggling a bit with the food portion...not because I want things not on the list but because it's a lot of food...I just can't stomach it all! It's just the bulk of all the veggies that is tough on my tummy.
Anyway, tonight's dinner is going to be broiled fish and butternut squash with some fresh lemon broccoli...sound good? Problem is, kids won't eat that. They'll eat the broccoli, Ben will eat the squash....Matthew will eat the fish...yeah, I feel like Jack Sprat and his wife! Not sure Zachary will eat any of it!
I made a really good white chicken chili that I've been having for lunches and such. I took navy beans, northern beans, (both drained and rinsed to get rid of the salt) cooked chicken breast, onion, baby carrots, a can of Rotel tomatoes, garlic, pepper and just about a 1/4 a package of white chicken chili spice mix and cooked it in the crockpot over night. I serve it with a spoonful of sour cream and a sprinkling of mozzarella cheese...YUM!
I've been packing Megan's lunch for school because the school choices normally consist of pizza, nachos, tuna sandwiches, or breaded chicken-like sandwiches all served with either french fries or tater tots and flavored milk. Fresh fruit is limited, salad is available, but in all honesty even if they did get the salad is there really much nutritional value in 1/4 a cup of lettuce covered in ranch dressing? Of course there are also Rice treats, chips, chocolate chip cookies, soft pretzels and "juice" available for purchase as well. UGH! Our school needs an intervention!
We were told NOT to work out before our workout tonight...which is probably good because I am not yet able to move my arms above my head! I think that's been the death of me...working out beforehand and not having the energy left for Nicole...time for a change I guess. I'll have to start working out AFTER Nicole if she gives us the go-ahead because I think I'll get more benefit from having 100% for her.
She's amazing BTW. She is so motivating and looks AMAZING. Just looking at her is motivating. I feel so blessed to have gotten placed in her team. I'm sure the other trainer is good as well, but I still feel lucky! I can't imagine doing this on my own.
As far as my goals...I'm about 7-10 lbs down, still about 45 to go till I get to a healthy-for-me weight.
Monday, October 3, 2011
week 2
This begins week 2. Workout tonight with Nicole.
Today I'd like to write about the effect of grief on a person's life. Many reading this know that I have four angels in heaven, two within the last year. This has had a tremendous impact on me in way that words cannot even express. This month marks the 1 year anniversary of my 3rd baby angel....probably the most difficult to deal with as I was 14 weeks along.
Before becoming pregnant with "Corey" I was relatively healthy. I had recently lost about 40 pounds, I ate well and did do some exercise. After losing the baby I become very depressed, stopped caring about anything and was angry at my body for failing me....February saw another loss that just compounded the problem, along with some other personal grief that has been ongoing for the last 5 years. I got to the point where I didn't even want to breathe...it just hurt too much.
I still have moments like that, but I am realizing that I need to focus on my four beautiful gifts that I have living here on earth. My goal through this Fit4Life program is to be physically healthier for them...the emotional stuff takes time...grief is like that though.
I'd like to say that right now days are bright and sunny, but unfortunately that is not true. There are rain clouds and storms right at my door, but I am choosing to not dwell on them and let that bring me down, to discourage me or distract me. I have a wonderful God that loves me, and I am not going to live in grief any longer. Will it still get me down occasionally, of course.
Part 2! Workout with Nicole...OMG! I'm continuously amazed at how far I can push my body. I still was not able to keep up on many levels, which was quite discouraging. I felt like I was the only one doing less than everyone else. I'm not giving up though. I'm not giving in. I'm going to keep pushing forward!
Today I'd like to write about the effect of grief on a person's life. Many reading this know that I have four angels in heaven, two within the last year. This has had a tremendous impact on me in way that words cannot even express. This month marks the 1 year anniversary of my 3rd baby angel....probably the most difficult to deal with as I was 14 weeks along.
Before becoming pregnant with "Corey" I was relatively healthy. I had recently lost about 40 pounds, I ate well and did do some exercise. After losing the baby I become very depressed, stopped caring about anything and was angry at my body for failing me....February saw another loss that just compounded the problem, along with some other personal grief that has been ongoing for the last 5 years. I got to the point where I didn't even want to breathe...it just hurt too much.
I still have moments like that, but I am realizing that I need to focus on my four beautiful gifts that I have living here on earth. My goal through this Fit4Life program is to be physically healthier for them...the emotional stuff takes time...grief is like that though.
I'd like to say that right now days are bright and sunny, but unfortunately that is not true. There are rain clouds and storms right at my door, but I am choosing to not dwell on them and let that bring me down, to discourage me or distract me. I have a wonderful God that loves me, and I am not going to live in grief any longer. Will it still get me down occasionally, of course.
Part 2! Workout with Nicole...OMG! I'm continuously amazed at how far I can push my body. I still was not able to keep up on many levels, which was quite discouraging. I felt like I was the only one doing less than everyone else. I'm not giving up though. I'm not giving in. I'm going to keep pushing forward!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
days 5,6,&7
I admit I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with the responsibility of this challenge. I also have to send in blog posts and log food now for myself and Megan. It's been pretty exhausting to say the least.
Haven't missed a day at the gym now in 12 days...the kids had the weekend off though. They're going enough, and I do not want to make it not fun for them or an added burden. They have a lot on their plates now too.
Let's see...Friday was cardio, again. Saturday was Aqua Zumba...man was the air COLD! The pool is heated but it was about 50 degrees outside. I treated myself to the hot tub afterwards. Today I went and did more cardio. I saw several other folks there who are in the program as well.
I have a lot of other things on my plate right now and I find the gym a bit therapeutic. Even though I have tons of things at home that need to be done, when I'm feeling low I can go to the gym and refocus on something other than everything else that seems to be falling apart around me.
Food is still a struggle. I'm fine eating whatever (although I tried frozen soybeans today and they were disgusting). My favorite thing right now is a simple Flat Out (kind of like a tortilla) with a TBS of almond butter and some of Becky Conard's blackberry preserves. I roll it up and away I go, perfect for when I don't have time to cook something.
The kids are being a bit more of a hard sell. They've gone through lots of cheese sticks and apples for snacks though. It's amazing what they will eat when the junk isn't around.
Hopefully I can blog a bit better next week. We'll see.
Haven't missed a day at the gym now in 12 days...the kids had the weekend off though. They're going enough, and I do not want to make it not fun for them or an added burden. They have a lot on their plates now too.
Let's see...Friday was cardio, again. Saturday was Aqua Zumba...man was the air COLD! The pool is heated but it was about 50 degrees outside. I treated myself to the hot tub afterwards. Today I went and did more cardio. I saw several other folks there who are in the program as well.
I have a lot of other things on my plate right now and I find the gym a bit therapeutic. Even though I have tons of things at home that need to be done, when I'm feeling low I can go to the gym and refocus on something other than everything else that seems to be falling apart around me.
Food is still a struggle. I'm fine eating whatever (although I tried frozen soybeans today and they were disgusting). My favorite thing right now is a simple Flat Out (kind of like a tortilla) with a TBS of almond butter and some of Becky Conard's blackberry preserves. I roll it up and away I go, perfect for when I don't have time to cook something.
The kids are being a bit more of a hard sell. They've gone through lots of cheese sticks and apples for snacks though. It's amazing what they will eat when the junk isn't around.
Hopefully I can blog a bit better next week. We'll see.
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